It’s all started with something Marylune draw. When I saw what she has done, it just all pop up in my head, crashing on me all at once, almost getting me mad. I didn’t even have to think about it: one glance and the story was already there, begging me not to forget it. I couldn’t help it, I needed to write it. I should really hate her by now, but I can’t. I know it’s a really bad thing with school back into my life, but that happened and I think I really like this. It’s a lot bigger than I first thought it would be, but the characters were whispering their story to me, telling me there was more to write about once I thought it was over. As you will see, it starts as something, and it ends as something else.
So yeah, you are still responsible for something, but I think it’s a good thing this time, isn’t it? Or well, maybe it’s always good things, I’m not sure anymore. So just keep drawing forever even if we probably both want to kill ourselves once real life kick into us. Our magic box business will still be there. I will be forever grateful for those giving me inspiration! Even if you though they are crap, well, they are pretty good crap to me! As you see, almost all I write now start with something you did - not sure it’s a great thing, but we will do with it! I think I will now be the one making endless tears’ oceans!
At some point, it was supposed to be part of the blackice week of February 2014, but I struggle a bit too much while I was writing it. I don’t know how many times I told my characters how much I hated them for being so dramatic, hard to understand or to make me wanna cry like a baby. Some of those scenes take me forever to write, and it wasn’t always because I didn’t have inspiration.
I hope you won’t be too discouraged by the beginning, I promise, the end as nothing to do with it! And oh! Now you have to say yes to them! :)
"How dare you lying to yourself like this? We both know it’s not enough. We both know it will never be enough. What happened to you Jack Frost?" He looked away, unable to hold his gaze. "Maybe you happened to me. Maybe it’s enough. And maybe you don’t have a right on any of this. Why are-you still there? You don’t know. You don’t know how it was - how it is - Pitch." Jack raised his head and froze, his mind blank. Sandy was there, looking them both with sad eyes.
Lies Stronger than the Dream
“Love’s not a battle, it’s a ticking time bomb.”
The end of the war brought a new life to Jack Frost. It wasn’t one he has ever dreamed about yet it was better than his old one. It wasn’t dreamy neither it was perfect, but he was content with it. He was someone. He finally got a name people recognized. Even more exciting, there were people believing in him. People that could actually see him. He wasn’t losing his days anymore, pretending to have fun throwing snowballs around until he triggers a fight he would never have the good luck to participate in. He wasn’t wondering who he was all the time, neither was he throwing a fit each times he talked to the man in the moon, desperate to know why he has been chosen. Now he knew, all the answers were his.
So, good things came out of all this after all. Becoming one of the guardians - an official one - has never been part of his plans, but he could certainly be living with it. It wasn’t as much as a change that he has first thought it would be. He didn’t know what to think about him. Was it really a good thing? Then why that trouble feeling never left him in the months following? Part of him was a new him , but part of him was still his old self. And people around were even so; him finally getting a status would certainly not turning the world upside down. He would be a fool to think he was so important. However, his presence was now value, and people were coming to him, asking him things they would never have asked him otherwise. Sometimes though, when everything calmed down, Jack was under the impression that it wasn’t enough.
The lights go out and I can’t be saved
Tides that I tried to swim against
Have brought me down upon my knees
O I beg, I beg and plead, singing
Months went by, leaving him peaceful, letting only that little flash of sadness putting a cloud over his gaze when no one else was looking. There was a lump in his throat more often than not, but he kept swallowing it, refusing to acknowledge it. There was no reason too. All days were the same, meeting with his new friends and fulfilling his guardian’s tasks. Until one day, until that day. Until it wasn’t anymore. It was unexpected. For both probably. If people knew, no one would believe it. Weeks later, Jack wasn’t even sure he was understanding what it really was. Or what it’s meant.
Another snowball hit the wall, bursting into snow dust. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was bored. What people would think of him if they knew he was complaining on his fate only six months after they gave him his title? Truth to be said, he didn’t even know why he was that bored. There was so much he could do. Winter came a few weeks before, and he was now allowed to prompt snow storm without being lectured by Santa. Kids were begging him to prompt fight and to give them more snow, but that day Jack was acting deaf.
Hours before, he had escaped on the roof of a skyscraper, feeling the need to be even more alone in his loneliness. No one could see him there. He also thought he would stay unfound, but he was wrong. Someone did find him. He was about to throw an umpteenth ball when all the serenity he has got together collapsed, leaving him tense and unable to think.
Shivers went through his back. The ball didn’t even hit the wall, falling right before him. The mess it made didn’t even bother him. His eyes stayed straight on the other skyscraper, unable to look at it. Two voices were battling in his head, one commanding him to turn around straight away, while the other whispered him to run away, as far as he could from that feeling. It couldn’t be right. Not when it was so… so foreign to him. The feeling… The feeling in his back made him shivers. Shivers that that felt endless. When he focused hard, he could tell there was a hand in the middle of his back, a hand touching him. It doesn’t feel like someone touching him just to get his attention. Someone who let his hand linger a lot too long. Someone touching him so sweetly that it almost felt like a caress.
Jack swallowed hard. They weren’t bad shivers. In fact, they felt really great. So great that he wanted to close his eyes and lean into the touch, just feeling it and enjoy the moment. That probably was the scary part. The one that made him stay right where he stood while he ignored the second voice. That hand who made him feel such things could only belong to one person. The one person he has kept trying to keep out of his mind for months, since that day he was named a guardian. Jack as first tried to keep himself busy, but it didn’t do much for his problem. He was hunting him, screwing with his mind on the times Jack let his guard down. Out of success on being entirely satisfied with his new life, Jack just pushed the thoughts of him in a recess of his mind, lying to himself and diving right into a downright spiral of loneliness and boredom. Now, standing at a cross path, he was forced to admit his lies.
So in the end, he knew he had to run away. It would be is better option. However, he also knew he had to take a look at him and listen at whatever he has to say before he did so. He would do so, there was no other possibility. But at least, he would have listened, and he would know what he was missing on. Maybe it would be enough to get him out of the dark water he was trapped in? Maybe it was all it took to get him to go forward with his life and his new functions. He was asking nothing else than actually enjoy them.
Slowly, probably too slowly to felt natural, he turned around, facing the newcomer. His palms were sweaty and wiping them on his pants wouldn’t do much. Except maybe betraying his nervousness. He clenched his teeth together, forcing his jaw to stay froze, not to shake. For the same reason, he clenched his fist by his sides, ignoring the sweat. He has narrowed his eyes, afraid to face the reality.
His mouth fell opened. His eyes widened. His fist unclenched. His whole-body jump before he took a step back. It wasn’t who it was supposed to be. One moment, Jack wondered if his eyes were betraying him. He was confused, lost between what he felt back when he was standing with his back to him and the impossibility that struck him now that he knew.
"Sandy? " He asked, his mouth dryer than it should. "What… Why… What are-you doing here?"
Sandy shrugged before letting his arm fall in front of himself. He crossed his fingers together, looking intently at Jack. Vulnerable. It felt so much like if he was looking at his one reflection that Jack was shocked, eyes wide and mouth still opened. The light darkening Sandy’s gaze was probably the same that was lingering in his one. Sadness, loneliness, emptiness. Pain was hiding under layers of futilities.
Nothing was going like it was still supposed to be a few minutes ago, and Jack was at a loss. What was he supposed to do? To say? How was he supposed to react? Sandy presence on the roof, the way he touched him and the way he looked now. All of these were sources of confusion for Jack.
Jack swallowed, pressing his fingers to his temples. He had to focus, to understand what was going on. A deep breath and then he exhaled, ready to focus.
"Is something wrong, Sandy? Why are-you looking so sad?"
Yet again he received no proper answer. Sandy kept shrugging, shaking his head with a terrify look. Something was definitely wrong, and, whatever it was, Sandy was hiding it.
- What’s wrong, Sandy? Care to share with me?
Another shook of Sandy’s head was his response. Jack sight. If Sandy didn’t want to talk to him, he wouldn’t whatever he could try. But he has came to him, and that meant something. Especially with that look in his eyes. The way he was now looking at him made Jack’s heart sink. He sighted again.
- Come here, he said motioning to himself. We don’t have to talk if you’re not ready…. Just come here.
He opened his arms. Sandy looked at him a few seconds, doubts lingering in his expression. He finally gave up, almost running into Jack arms’. After all, it was what he came for, wasn’t it? Seeking comfort in Jack’s friendship was the point of all that.
Maybe someday he would be ready to talk, to share with Jack what made him look so broken - with Jack or with anyone else he would be able to put his trust into, Jack could leave with it if it made Sandy happier - but for now, they would have to be alright together. Staying quietly at the top of one of the highest skyscrapers of the town, looking at the void while holding on each other, would have to be enough.
That first night, Jack didn’t know. It took him a few more nights to really understood himself. He needed that as much as Sandy did. The disappointment of not finding the one he has thought about when he turned around has created a break into his armur and he started to sink into pain and darkness. As only his twisted relationship with Sandy kept him from drowning, Jack was shocked to discover he waited those times almost more than he actually waited for the next storm to fall on the town. It was insane, but it felt right. When they were together, holding on each other, he could forget, he could let the pain go, and he could actually be Jack Frost. Taking care of someone else happiness was probably all he needed to have his one back. People were noticing changes in his way to act, but none dared to comment on it when they looked at how much pain was hidden under his false pretenses.
Maybe he couldn’t tell what brought them together or what it was they were sharing, but Jack knew that the bond was feeling great. And right. Almost enough. When he was holding Sandy closed to himself, it was life coming to a new beginning, it was time stopping while taking all disagreements with it. It was all it took to make Jack Frost realized everything is life was lacking of. All those months, he knew something was missing in his life, and he refused to acknowledge it. Now he did and he was grateful to discover that he didn’t have to betray himself to feel complete again. It wasn’t perfect - when he was alone, he was still remembering, feeling his aching body - but it was enough for now. Maybe he just had to be patient, and it will progress into something even better.
It wasn’t love. Or at least, he thought it wasn’t love. Things were getting confused once in a while. But people like Sandy didn’t do love, right? Jack himself shouldn’t do love, he was sure of it. It wasn’t a written rule or anything he has ever heard about, but looking around him, seeing everyone desperately lonely but never acting on it, he knew it was supposed to be like this. He was just one to not be able to live with. Guardians didn’t have time for those things; Sandy as so much on his plate with all those people needing new dreams every night. Love would never be on his priority. Neither should be on Jack’s list.
More than once, Jack thought it would be their last moment together, that he would have to go back to hide his desires, but Sandy kept coming back to him. Always. Almost every day he found his way back into Jack’s arms, wherever he was hiding. The thought itself was scary; how well Sandy came to know Jack. Wherever Jack hid, Sandy seemed to always be able to say where he would be. At some point, Jack as stopped to try. He just started to wait on the same roof, to wait for Sandy to find him. No one else never did.
They never really share anything. It was more about being quiet together, about feeling the heat of another body. The pulse of another body maybe. Sandy was cuddling into Jack, happy and satisfy. Jack was holding him, almost a dreamy smile on his face. It was almost the perfection.
It never was more than cuddling. Never. Once or twice, Jack thought he should ask for more, but when the words were about to come out, he has always back off. Each time, he realised he wasn’t really wanting more. And he especially didn’t want to lose what they have by putting unnecessary pressure on Sandy.
More than eight months after their first day, nothing has changed. Or well, it was about to change in a way none of them would have thought.
Dear, know that you’re the only reason why my drawings didn’t all end up in the trash. People rarely straightforwardly said I do good things so it’s great to read about it!
However I’m soorrry!! Go back to your school work don’t be like me!!! My drawings aren’t supposed to do this effect!!
Seriously you write so pretty arrghlrew I don’t know how to express it with words but my face says it all.
By the way real life already kicks me but hey I really believe in our potential to be billionaire with those fabulous magic boxes thus it gonna be alright at some point! ;P
P.S. you got me I say yes to them, it hurts
P.P.S. Stop using The Used songs you monster!
P.P.P.S. Don’t rush, I’ll patiently wait.